Having faith...

Today is a difficult day.

Today, we take our daughter Emily for some pretty important tests, the results could be life changing. I'm quickly drawn to The Lord during dark times. he is my Comfort & Strength.

Faith is mentioned many times in the Bible. Many people in the Bible displayed their faith in many ways. Ways I cannot comprehend. Abraham was called to have faith as he offered his son Isaac as a sacrifice. A sacrifice that as a mom or dad we can't imagine... But he did and God was faithful.

It is a concept that is difficult to wrap your mind around.

What meaning does the dictionary give for faith?

Faith (noun) : firm belief in something for which there is no proof: complete trust

Faith (verb) : believe, trust

Both of those definitions can be interpreted different ways. But I also know the dictionary was written by man. Who says there's no proof? I feel as though there are times in my life that I can see my faith. My faith in Him.

According to Hebrews 11:1 

 Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

Again, difficult to wrap your mind around. But I know it's true, scripture is real. It says in 2 Timothy 3:16 that all scripture in God-breathed.

Like I said today is tough, it's as though we must turn Emily over as a sacrifice, but we also need to remember what our God says. To trust Him, deeply.

When I look at this particular situation, what I see makes no sense. My mommy heart can't understand, but now is not the time to question. Now is the time to have faith.

2 Corinthians 4:18 says,

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

I'm making an intentional effort to see faith as a verb. I believe and I trust Him.

Today, I cling to this....

We live by faith, not by sight.~ 2 Corinthians 5:7

A new day...

I am a self proclaimed creature of habit.....

At 6am my feet hit the kitchen floor, one eye open...

The first thing I do is hit the power button on my Keurig, I want my cup of coffee steaming hot!

Next, I whip out 4 lunches... This takes approximately 30 mins.

At 6:30 I make a nice cup of coffee, made the same way~ 2 Splendas and half & half... sit down in "my" spot on the couch & watch the news, same channel Fox45...until it's time to wake Mira.

As a stay at home mom & business helper to Greg... My days are somewhat planned & routine.. Other than the occasional hiccup... Someone's sick, dr appt, run for Greg etc.

Today was a new day....

Granted all those things still happened but I made a conscious effort to do things differently.

I was convicted...

I ask God for many things in my prayers, as if I've rubbed the magic lamp & have been granted a number of wishes. My prayers don't seem selfish, but my actions are. I ask... But NEVER stop to listen.

I don't listen, I hurry around to my next thought, my next commitment, distractions....

Distractions.

For me: tv (usually just the noise of it) 

Phone calls/texts

Instagram (minimally)

Pinterest (huge for me... I LOVE it!)

God may be speaking to me but If my mind is always distracted by noise & stuff, I may not hear Him. Today, I decided to listen for Gods whisper.

Today I heard Him.

In my quiet time this morning God revealed an area of my life that I need to work on. An area of good intention, that can be deceiving.

I will share that in my next post.

It makes me wonder what I've missed being clouded by my distractions.

He HAS spoken, what didn't I hear?

~Vanessa

What is home???

It was a year ago this week that we packed up our family and our worldly possessions (in a 1984 tractor pulling a 1964 trailer )...Trekked 1800 miles to start a new life in Denver Colorado. 

The past year has been a huge struggle. Emotionally. Physically. And spiritually.

We have experienced all kinds if challenges & changes from health to work which then becomes financial... And you know how that goes!

This year has been about great bonding amongst our family. After all we really have only had each other.

We've each in our own time said this isn't home. And frankly we've sulked... We miss our comforts.. Seeing people you know in public, knowing the short cut around traffic jams, being able to meet my mom for breakfast & quick run to Target, 20 ft ceilings in my house, a huge gourmet kitchen, a bathroom that is physically impossible to pee, brush your teeth & put your feet in the shower all at the same time (hehe), a private backyard, a snow day with the girls, a secure bank account & a steady income!

But really these are just things.... This is not what makes it home. I guess I should throw in a quick note: we had many other things in MD that made it home, sometimes it's easier to focus on the things we don't have than the things we did ;)

Finally, on Sunday it hit me... THIS IS HOME!!! No I didn't get a bathroom remodel.. But we have friends to fellowship with from church, a neighbor to love on my family while my daughter has surgery, a group of believers to pray for us during tough times. The Lord has finally given us this feeling & for that I am grateful!!!

But I must admit we do miss home in MD.. Our family, friends, our pastor & our church family... 

Weary....

There's so much to post to explain where we are. Things are complicated. We've been sick w/ various viruses since Labor Day... I've been sick for over a week. 

Do you know that when you're a mom to 4 girls there's no time to be sick?!?

We've sold our business, that's a blessing... But the future seems so uncertain. What will we do?? How will we support our family of children with mounding special needs?? God knows, He is in control.

I've been in such a funk lately, searching for answers, jumping hurdles. Just going thru day to day life without expressing much joy. Today for example, I had a lovely tea with our family. Very nice time to sit & relax & catch up... But I must admit I spent half of it worrying about my next duty. Today happened to be the day for Kayla's weekly IV infusion. This is a great thing & we feel blessed by the medical care we have. Unfortunately I spend too much time griping about the amount of time it takes to drive, wait, see the nurse, get a room...the infusion itself takes 1 1/2-2 hrs... Then we get to drive home in traffic.... On & on I go.

TODAY.... As we entered the infusion department which is located in the oncology department... I was stopped in my tracks... 

Why?

As soon as we entered we saw a family. Mom, dad & 3 kids....

One of the daughters, appearing about 10 years old had lost all of her hair. And then I saw mom... She had shaved her head to soften the pain of her daughter. They both made eye contact & smiled.... they had a JOY. I was quickly humbled by this sight... I can't imagine what this family is going thru but I do know, my whining & grumbling is unnecessary& probably a bit disappointing to God. I know The Lord wants us to have joy regardless of our circumstances. It's easy to have JOY when things are good. Try shaving your head & taking your daughter for cancer treatments and having joy...that's tough, I admire their strength. 

Greg & I learned a few years back during a study called Experiencing God. He speaks with us in 4 ways. I'm grateful for God's communication today through circumstance. The other ways are through the bible, church & prayer.

A visitor...

The weather in Colorado is quite different than we are used to. It is terribly dry here. Literally I can count on 2 hands the number of times it has rained here since we moved here! 

Over the past few weeks though we have hit "monsoon season"... It has rained many times a week, like heavy afternoon downpours. The rapid increase in moisture has caused the spiders to come out. Ugly spiders. Big, hairy, nasty spiders. They tend to be worse in the basement & since this is where Emily & Sami sleep we decided to call an exterminator. They sprayed inside & out. The guy even mentioned that our flower beds were FULL! He also told me that we would see some stragglers... 

Well...

Did we ever except these weren't the regular big ugly spiders... Once they were dead, with their legs curled up they were still the size of a silver dollar! They belong in a museum... Behind glass... Eewww!

And as if that wasn't enough..

We found a SNAKE in Sami's room!!!!

I'm ready to pack my bags & move to a hospital... A sterile hospital! Our skin is still crawling... Even as I type!

Yuck!!

Prayer Request

Mira will be having surgery tomorrow am to "open her eyes". If you think if it, please say a prayer for her. I will post & update tomorrow!

Heliotropism

Heliotropism: an orienting response to the sun (usually referring to plants)

This week while listening to our favorite radio station they were discussing the wild sunflowers that are growing everywhere. They are just beautiful. They discussed that sunflowers are heliotropic. They reposition themselves to always be facing the sun. (So I began to watch & it's true!!!) they continued saying that as followers of God we should be like the sunflowers and constantly reposition ourselves to be following the SON. 

Awesome!!

We have been going through a tough spot recently and now it's all making sense.

We've never been promised an easy life.

We've been promised that if we focus on HIM he will provide. That doesn't mean money, fancy cars, big houses or exotic vacations. If we focus on Him all other things will fall into place.

I'm a stay at home mom, we've been blessed, my husband is a very hard worker. He is a provider, spiritually & financially. Our business has been struggling for the past several months. It's been a huge burden to figure out why, what to do next, is it of God?? We've earnestly prayed to show us His will all to end up frustrated, empty handed, discouraged. We've been asking but seeking our own will.... Until... There was a revelation. 

We've been seeking success, a business to pass along to our children, something we can do together, an investment and to serve him.

I'll end this here to say, we're focused on God, following the Son. We will be persecuted for our decision. It is not of the world but it is of HIM!